Recovery, loss and moving forward
For more than 20 years, James had maintained their recovery from alcohol use. They had built a life without alcohol and never expected to find themselves worrying about drinking again. But when their partner became seriously unwell due to alcohol use, things began to change.
Having experienced their own struggles with alcohol earlier in life, James understood how difficult recovery can be. They supported their partner to access help from NRN, attended appointments alongside them and encouraged them to engage with treatment. Despite moments of hope, their partner’s health continued to decline.
As the situation became increasingly difficult, James noticed something they hadn’t felt for a long time.
“I could feel myself being pulled back. I thought, I’ve got to stop this before I fall.”
Rather than ignoring those thoughts and feelings around drinking, James acted on them. They contacted Nottingham Recovery Network’s Family and Carers service because they recognised that they needed support too. While a group setting wasn’t quite the right fit, one-to-one sessions gave James somewhere to talk openly and honestly about what they were carrying. “It was having someone listening. That was the big thing for me.”
For someone who had spent so much time focused on helping somebody else, having a space to focus on their own wellbeing was invaluable. The support helped James understand their triggers, manage difficult emotions and stay focused on protecting the recovery they had worked so hard to achieve.
James speaks about recovery in simple terms: taking things one step at a time. “Five minutes came to ten minutes. Ten minutes came to an hour. That’s literally how I did it.” That mindset and taking things one step at a time became especially important as their partner’s health deteriorated. As much as they wanted to help, James learned something many families and carers struggle with; you cannot make somebody change if they are not ready.
“You can give them the tools. You can lead them to the door, but they’ve got to walk through it.”
Shortly after engaging with the Family and Carers Service, James’s partner sadly passed away. The loss came on top of several other bereavements in recent years and left them facing a future that felt uncertain.
Today, James is receiving support from Nottingham Grief Support as they continue to process their loss and adjust to life without their partner. Despite everything they have experienced, they have not returned to alcohol and are feeling strong in their recovery.
Looking back, James believes reaching out for support when they did made a huge difference. “I could feel the volume [of the thoughts around alcohol] being turned up. Coming for support helped me turn that volume back down.”
Now, James is preparing to become a peer mentor with NRN. They hope that by sharing their experiences, they can help other people affected by a loved one’s substance use feel less alone.
Their message to other families and carers is simple: don’t wait until you’re at breaking point. Support is there for you too.
